#MeToo

It’s been a few months since Dr. Christine Blasey Ford gave her heart wrenching testimony against supreme court justice nominee, Judge Brett Kavanaugh.

I listened intently to every word as she re-told her night of horror which forever changed her life. I listened to the C-Span callers of both political parties tell their own stories of rape, assault, and sexual abuse often cringing when women identifying as republicans had the same experiences continued to blame her.

The protection of the patriarchy is vast and so deeply embedded in the fibers of our existence many victims blame themselves and other women for just being. But I have hope the more women continue to speak out against this behavior we’ve accepted for so long will become less acceptable and hidden.

It made me think of every assault and experience I have endured throughout my life vowing to not accept or be silent when I see it happening. I no longer will accept “jokes” or comments that support the systemic oppression women have endured.

As women we each have dozens of stories to tell where the behaviors of men left us feeling violated. Here is one of my dozen.

When I was in college I worked the night shift at a hotel. Since I didn't have a felony or was not on work release I was one of the few employees hired to work the front desk. It was 2009 so I desperately needed a job to support me through college and thought I found the perfect fit. However, there were a number of incidents involving aggressive male employees but we all learned to just 'deal with it'. But during the end of one of my night shifts I was completing a daily revenue report in the back of the office when a male security guard came in for his shift.

I didn't know much about him except that he rode his bike to work like me (it was freezing outside) and kept to himself but he seemed like a decent person. I sat with my back facing away from him as he talked to me. Then I heard him say "feel how cold my hands are," so without turning around I held my hand out waiting for him to touch it.

But I didn't expect what happened next. He came up to my seat pulled up the back of my suit jacket and work shirt then placed his freezing cold hand on my mid bare back. Immediately I felt uncomfortable and shifted away from him but stayed facing forward because I was dumbfounded how he thought it was appropriate to touch any part of my clothing, let alone my body, and was speechless.

I didn't want to make a big deal about the situation like many women but I also felt it was highly inappropriate so I told my female manager the next day. Her reaction was even more shocking than what happened.

She stated "well I'm glad you told me. I wouldn't know what to do if he'd done that to (another girl I worked with) because she is so sweet and innocent."

I was devastated. Not solely because of the incident but because I was seen as somehow more deserving of having my body violated than another girl who was my same age, in college, and working the same position as me where the only difference was our skin color. I sought my manager out as someone to confide in but she treated me as if by my nature I did not deserve to be protected. To make matters worse the owner of the hotel told me I must have "misunderstood the situation" because he was told by the man who I had the interaction with that I lied.

This is just one example of many experiences women go through. We aren't asking for it, we do not deserve it, we shouldn't let "boy be boys" and brush these situations off as acceptable because, well that's men for ya. It is wrong and further perpetuates our patriarchal rape culture.